Helplessly Helpful

Yet another dear friend is facing a health crisis (actually, her son is). Trials and tribulations abound in this life. I had my share of them last year with the unexpected deaths of my friend, Christina, and my brother, Paul. Surely, I'll face more again soon enough. I realized that the hold-your-breath moments facing people I care about are just as scary and meaningful as the ones I face directly.... often times even more.

How many times have you listened to a struggling friend and thought "I have no idea what to say right now. I feel completely useless."

It's uncomfortable. Yet most of us rush to say, "Please let me know if there's anything I can do." Usually, there is not. Yet we say it anyway because it makes our egoic mind feel as if we have done something. "At least I've offered help!"

I'd argue that this feeling of helplessness is a very good thing. (I suppose it must be since that's the way it is whether I like it or not.) Feeling helpless is an excellent indicator for me to question which aspect of my M/F polarity I'm leveraging and which is most appropriate to the situation.

Our need to do something, to say the right thing, to solve the problem stems from the masculine aspect of our ego. We feel helpless and uncomfortable when our desire to fix something is at odds with the reality of our inability to fix it. But, is there really anything we can do about someone else's struggle?

Despite my very best efforts, I've learned that I can't heal someone else's heart or body. I can't make them have that big realization or make them learn. Even well-meaning advice typically falls on deaf ears. I can't stop their addiction or their disillusionment. I can't take the sometimes painfully obvious steps for them that could very possibly change the situation. Whatever their challenge, it's truly theirs to face. In the end, everyone is on their own journey.

The kind of support or comfort I can offer is temporary and doesn't directly solve the problem (give a hug, watch their child, draw a bath, cook, listen). However, it does something much more valuable...it makes us feel connected. In times of trouble, it's what we need most (given that our problems aren't solvable by anyone else).

Now, when I feel helpless, it's my cue to switch from my masculine aspect of doer to my feminine aspect of feeler. I start by admitting, "I have no idea what to say or do in this moment. I feel helpless." When I've started this way, it's softened the situation for both of us just enough to open up a space for listening...and for connecting.

My biggest personal growth is borne consistently out of my biggest trials and tribulations. If someone else really could learn for me, take away my pain, would I grow the way I have? Absolutely not. Connection? I'll take that any time in any situation, whether it solves the problem or not. Bring it on!

Musings of a right-hand "man"

Recently, I spent a wonderful evening with a couple I admire tremendously. While I could go on about why they're each worthy of admiration, I'll short-hand it to say that they make a great team. They're both remarkable AND they work well together. Yet, only one of them can be in the limelight at once.

Over and over, in big and small ways, I see evidence of their implicit trust, respect, yielding, attention, intention, space, and creativity. Lots and lots of creativity. These people do not live inside the box. Thank goodness! Noticeably, their whole is greater than the sum of their parts. They feel good to be around and I'm not the only one who feels that way. They are a wave of good energy and getting caught up in that takes me up, not down. I can point to a few of these remarkable teams, but not enough of them. So what's up with the mojo??

They've got what I'm calling "Muse Mojo".

Muse

 /myuz/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [myooz]
–noun

1.

Classical Mythology. a. any of a number of sister goddesses, originally given as Aoede (song), Melete (meditation), and Mneme (memory), but latterly and more commonly as the nine daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne who presided over various arts: Calliope (epic poetry), Clio (history), Erato (lyric poetry), Euterpe (music), Melpomene (tragedy), Polyhymnia (religious music), Terpsichore (dance), Thalia (comedy), and Urania (astronomy); identified by the Romans with the Camenae. b. any goddess presiding over a particular art.

2.	the goddess or the power regarded as inspiring a poet, artist, thinker, or the like.

As implied by these definitions, a muse is a feminine aspect of creativity but that doesn't always mean a female. It's a supporting role (feminine aspect) to someone else in the lead role (masculine aspect). Both are crucial and creative functions. When properly balanced, this makes a really great team capable of creating amazing things. A muse honors and inspires creativity--without ego. It's the creativity and creation that matters, not the creator. To fully accept a muse into your life means that your ego can handle inspiration from outside yourself. Bravo.

If you're fortunate enough to have someone in your life who consistently makes you go "hmmm", who inspires your creativity, who feeds your spirit in a way that enables you to be more well-informed, more visionary, to shine more brightly...

Express your gratitude directly. Honor them for all the ways--big and small--they enable you to leap to ideas and manifestations you might not otherwise reach.

Or, if you're that "right-hand 'man'" to someone else...

Honor yourself for the light-inspired ways you breathe life into originality, something greater than the sum of your own parts.

The modern-day muse. Start noticing where they exist. You might be surprised to find them everywhere. And I'd love to hear about it.