To thrive or to survive? THAT is the question.

"So, what do you do?"

This question infallibly gets tossed out in less than a minute of meeting someone new. And, of course, they're talking about what you do for a living. How you make money? What you do to exist in this world? My journey over the last 2 years has shifted my perspective on this question. Not surprisingly, it's moved from a masculine to a feminine viewpoint.

Over the last 10 years, I answered this question proudly. And proudly is the operative word here. My ego was more than happy to tell you about what I did, along with how busy I was, overwhelmed, etc. etc. I was a doer and enjoyed the conversation moving in the direction of what I did; my career was interesting so that must mean I was interesting. Right? Masculine aspects at play.

Then, one day I had a sickening realization. My identity was tied up in my career. I really didn't want that to be true, but there it was. Without exaggeration, I literally couldn't tell you (or myself) who I was outside of "what I did for a living." Even worse, I had complained pointlessly about the big egos in my line of work. When I realized that I didn't even know who I was outside of my career, I realized that my ego was no different from the ones I was bumping up against.

OUCH! That was a harsh look in the mirror. So I took action.

Today, "What do you do?" compels me to reframe my answer in the hopes that people will start reframing the question. Some may argue that's because my ego bristles at no longer having a phat career to point to. I've considered that, but have decided that to truly know me is to know what makes me thrive rather than what I do to survive. Ideally, they would be one and the same. In fact, they were for a long time.

And then it simply changed. Or I changed. It really didn't matter which; all that did matter was that my career became an energy drain instead of an energy gain. I felt my way through this one. Feminine aspects at play.

I've italicized a lot of do's and did's here. Doing is important when tasks need to be completed. We all need to get things done. But, by identifying with my accomplishments--in essence, what is outside of myself--I made solid what is meant to be continually changing. I'm talking about who I am. Who I am changes all the time, as it should if I'm to stay in creative flow.

Do > Be = Masculine > Feminine. Both are great tools. Pick the right one for the job (no pun intended).

So, the next time you meet someone new, consider asking them "So, how do you spend your time?" or "What makes you thrive?" or "What gives you energy?" If they end up telling you about their job because they love it, that's awesome. If they end up telling you about their job out of habit, you can ask them again. Maybe you'll open up a whole new conversation and possibly--just maybe--really get to know who they are in that moment. And maybe that look in the mirror will give them a better sense of who they are in that moment, too.